Today we would like to introduce Meredith Costa
MEREDITH, PLEASE INTRODUCE YOURSELF
My name is Meredith, and I have been working with victims of narcissistic abuse and those who struggle with Codependency for almost three years. I hold a bachelor's degree in psychology with a minor in child development, and I will be starting my Graduate program at NYU to get my master's in counseling in late 2024. I have been facilitating support groups for victims of narcissistic abuse and those who struggle with codependency for the last two and a half years, and I also offer life coaching services around these subjects. I obtained my Life Coaching certification in 2023. I also have experience as a substance abuse counselor.
CAN YOU EXPLAIN WHAT INNER CHILD HEALING IS AND HOW IT FITS INTO YOUR THERAPEUTIC OR COACHING APPROACH?
Inner Child Healing is the ability to touch those places within us that have been separated from our core self typically by abuse/neglect in childhood and reintegrate them back into us through shadow work and consistent connection to and with our wounded inner child/children. Inner Child Healing is a core focus of my work with my clients and group, as it empowers them to be able to recognize not only the source of their struggles in adulthood, but also to reparent their wounded child and give that child the love, protection, and acceptance that were stolen from them by toxic parents and caregivers. In acknowledging their inner children, they are able to find clarity and understanding around why they have experienced continued patterns of abuse in adulthood as well as what has held them back from the confidence and success they deserve.
"Inner Child Healing is the ability to touch those places within us that have been separated from our core self typically by abuse/neglect in childhood and reintegrate them back into us through shadow work and consistent connection to and with our wounded inner child/children" -Meredith Costa
HOW DO YOU IDENTIFY AND WORK WITH THE INNER CHILD IN YOUR CLIENTS? COULD YOU SHARE SOME EXAMPLES OR TECHNIQUES YOU USE?
The first assignment I give not only in my codependency support group but also to every individual client is to write a letter to their inner child. I have found that this assignment brings tremendous emotion to the surface for them because they are finding and interacting with that fractured core part of themselves. Through this assignment, they are able to experience the grief around not being given what all children need and deserve to grow up with a feeling of confidence and safety in the world as well as confidence in themselves. This grief work is pivotal to their healing, and they often come to that realization through this assignment. With my clients and group, when they begin to share their experiences with their current/most recent toxic relationship, they also express not understanding why they continue to be drawn to emotionally unavailable partners or why they feel that need and drive to keep going back. I challenge them by asking questions about their parents - i.e. "Did you have an emotionally unavailable parent growing up? What did that look like?". Many times, they will begin to reflect back on their childhoods and suddenly have an "A-ha!" moment in which they are able to draw the connection between childhood experiences and the patterns they continue to repeat in their adult relationships. I also have my group regularly validate themselves and each other by having them do just that -- "Name three things you love about yourself and three things you love about someone else in the room". This challenges them to recognize and explore both their worth and their strengths. I think it's very important to work with people from a strength-based perspective, meeting them where they are.
WHAT ARE SOME COMMON CHALLENGES OR MISCONCEPTIONS THAT CLIENTS MAY HAVE WHEN IT COMES TO INNER CHILD HEALING, AND HOW DO YOU ADDRESS THEM?
The most common challenge I find clients have when it comes to Inner Child Healing is the fear around the emotions of this work. They resist it because of the pain. When this happens, I both validate their feelings and gently point out that feelings never harm us -- what caused the feeling already happened. The feeling is just letting us know that something inside of us needs attention. I encourage my clients to sit with (not in!) the feeling - acknowledge it, interact with it, and listen to it, and it will always tell them what it needs. A misconception I often hear around inner child healing work is that it's just "wallowing in the past", to which I challenge them to ask themselves how they can live fully present in the here and now when they're still being held back by things they refuse to acknowledge they experienced before they had the ability to control anything about their lives. We learn how codependency is a condition of emotional control around the need to ensure that we are emotionally safe because we didn't have that in childhood, and if we acknowledge and sit with our wounded inner child, we can begin to heal that need so that we can have healthy, interdependent, fulfilling relationships and experiences as adults.
IN YOUR EXPERIENCE, WHAT ARE SOME OF THE MOST SIGNIFICANT BENEFITS OR TRANSFORMATIONS THAT CLIENTS TYPICALLY EXPERIENCE THROUGH INNER CHILD HEALING?
The transformations clients have experienced through doing Inner Child Healing work have been undeniable. I have watched clients go from self-loathing, self-conscious, and insecure to confident, empowered, and determined. I have had clients come into working with me full of fear and self-doubt, and leave and move into their lives with courage, self-confidence, and most importantly, self-love that no one can take away from them. I watch them go from constantly needing validation from others for everything they do to being able to stand in their own ability to make decisions for themselves knowing that they can take care of themselves and don't need others to validate them to see their worth. I've seen clients move into healthy, happy relationships for the first time in their lives, with boundaries firmly intact and the knowledge that they have the right to ask for what they need, as well as that a refusal of a need by someone else does not in any way reflect on or define their worth. Clients are taking giant forward steps in their careers, as well as healing relationships with toxic parents where it is healthy to do so. I see them truly understand that forgiveness is not condoning what was done to them, but releasing the pain around those things so that they are no longer held back by them. They understand that what they suffered as children was done TO them not BECAUSE of them.
CAN YOU DISCUSS A PARTICULARLY MEMORABLE OR IMPACTFUL CASE WHERE INNER CHILD HEALING PLAYED A CRUCIAL ROLE IN YOUR CLIENT'S JOURNEY TOWARD HEALING OR PERSONAL GROWTH
Absolutely. One comes to mind immediately. I have a current client who first came to me about a year ago, in the midst of an abusive relationship that he couldn't pull himself away from. He was depressed and self-loathing, having been convinced that everything that happened in the relationship was reflective of flaws on his part. We worked together for a little bit, and then he stopped communicating. About six months ago, he reached out to me again and we resumed our work together. He is now one of my biggest success stories. He has done a tremendous amount of self-work around his wounded inner child and recognized what has held him back his whole life. He continues to work hard on himself, as well as provide wonderful support to other group members. Every day he journals and shares his journal entries with me, continuing to have emotional breakthroughs and realizations about himself, his past, and his behavioral patterns and how they held him back instead of serving him. In the last two months, he has taken impactful steps at his job, setting him apart as a stellar reflection of a manager to his staff, making sure he always holds himself accountable for his actions and choices, and really getting to know his authentic self and allowing that authentic self to shine through without fear of how others will react. He is also getting to know someone new, and for the first time in his life, he is trusting his intuitions and instincts around experiences with this person. He has healed his relationship with his mother and severed all ties with his ex-partner, and he is seeing the way his authentic self is naturally drawing in healthy people while also not being afraid to set and maintain boundaries. His confidence becomes stronger every day, and it's such a joy to be able to watch the transformation as it happens and continues to happen. He is becoming someone who is proud of who he is and genuinely loves himself.
MEREDITH'S CONTACT INFO
Email: asknarccoach@gmail.com
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